His Hers & Ours - A Russian Adoption Journey

Mobile blogging and Mother's Day

2008-05-17T16:43:00.000-05:00

I just figured out how to blog from my iPhone!! Maybe I can actually
post some now....

Mother's Day was great! I've spent the past 6 years wondering if we
would ever add another child to our family, so having Cole here was so
special. We spent the day as we do most years...at a baseball
tournament! Kels hit a triple to win the championship game. He said
it was a gift to me! Here are my boys, with Maddie behind the camera.

I'm so blessed this year!

8 months home!

2008-04-08T08:03:00.012-05:00

I can't believe how time has flown. This week marks eight months home. Cole is a totally different kid today than August 9th when we stepped off the plane from Russia. While I can't recap it all in one post, here are the highlights:

He talks NONSTOP in english. We are sad that he will not respond to Russian anymore, but he absolutely does not want to hear it. He closes his eyes and pretends he's asleep if anyone tries. He still uses a few Russian words, but he doesn't realize it. Peesit, kakat and bolna are the major ones. He talks in sentences - 5-8 words and is beginning to use pronouns appropriately.

He sleeps through the night! We gave up naps, and that was the saving grace. He actually asks to go to bed now! He will regress some after a big day - it took a week to settle down after SeaWorld, but he did get back into his routine.

He has grown FIVE inches. We brought him home in an 18-24 month and he is now in 3T and 4T. It is amazing the difference. We have a door we mark all the kids on, and it blows me away to mark his height. He and his 14 year old brother are both having growth spurts!

He introduces himself as an animal. After SeaWorld, he has been either a dolphin or sealion. We aren't sure why he does this, but it is comforting for him to be an animal vs. a little boy. I am mama sealion, we have papa sealion and he is baby sealion. I guess I'll worry about it if he still does it at Kindergarten.

He attends Mothers Day out one day a week and Gymnastics one day a week. He does well in both and looks forward to them.

He is a water boy. As soon as he gets a new toy (usually an animal) he wants to take a bath. He is fearless at the pool and we are starting swimming lessons next week. He already holds his breath and goes under water. He loves water slides! He is actually too short to go down the one at our gym, but they let him anyway because he loves it. When we drive by Six Flags or the water park, he asks to go and ride the rides.!

He is the ultimate little brother. He emulates his 14 year old brother and loves to annoy his 13 year old sister. He knows what buttons to push with her, and does it very well!

He is still a mama's boy, but he and papa are bonding more and more all the time. I still carry him A LOT and he gets frantic at home when he can't find me. But if we are in a large area with lots of people, he doesn't mind wandering off. Drives us crazy. We are seriously considering getting a Toddler tracker for him. He never looks back. We know this is an issue to watch and are starting to work with him on stranger danger and having consequences if he doesn't stay close to us.

One curious thing, he has never dropped his Russian nickname, even though we have (more than 4 months ago). He responds to Cole, but he calls himself Tima or Tima-Cole. Everything we read says they transition so easily, but not our kid! He doesn't get upset that we call him Cole, never even mentions it, but just continues to refer to himself as his Russian nickname.

More than anything, he is a happy, giggly, mischevious little boy/sealion/zebra/giraffe/ .....who we can't believe we are blessed to call our son. I have never felt more lucky in my life than with him. For all the little issues we deal with, we have (knock on wood) avoided many of the big ones we prepared for. I know we will always be ready if they arise, but right now we just are thankful for are well adjusted little boy!

I'm as bad at taking pictures as I am at blogging, but the slideshow has pictures from various times this year

Santa Closet is coming to town

2007-12-20T10:28:00.000-06:00

come on, sing along...Santa Claus-it coming to town. That's how Cole hears it, so that is who is coming to our house, Santa Closet. It's too funny to correct! He has fully bought into American commercialism of the holiday and has a list a mile long, and adds something new each time we go to a store. He has seen Santa three times, and asks each day to "sit on the lap again?" . He's going to break the bank, because I have to buy pictures each time, because he is just so cute! He also understands about being a good boy, because each time he gets in trouble he responds with toy? Santa? Not that it keeps him out of trouble for long, he finds it again quickly. But look at this face and see if you could stay mad very long!

Merry Christmas to the blog world. May the Peace of Christ be with each of you during this busy time.

Readoption Ceremony

2007-11-02T16:32:00.000-05:00

Last week we were able to readopt Cole in the state of Texas. Although there are other, and probably less expensive ways, to get a birth certificate, we wanted to participate in this ceremony. We now have an adoption certificate in Texas, will have a birth certificate from Texas (still stating birth place of Smolensk, Russia). This way we can store the Russian birth certificate and adoption decree for Cole to have in the future. Those documents are virtually irreplaceable and we don't want to use them for little league and school. The best reason for the ceremony, though, was to have all of our family there. Our older kids, our parents, and even my two grandmothers all got to stand before the judge and raise their right hands and swear to love Cole forever as a brother, nephew, grandson. I can never express in words how much that meant to us. The judges chambers were decorated in bears and balloons and it was such a festive occasion. Here are some pictures from our day in court:

Just part of the 13 family members that came, with our Judge....

The courtroom where more than 15 families got to participate:

My grandmothers were both able to be there. This was incredibly special, and somewhat bittersweet, as I lost both of my grandfathers this year, one while we were in Russia. I was so glad to have Nanny and Mimi there.

Cole telling us that he will be ready to leave in a "minutika":

One year ago....

2007-10-11T07:30:00.000-05:00

we received our referral. The call was a shock as with the reaccreditation problems, we weren't expecting anything for months. After the call, we figured things would move quickly. I never imagined it would take 10 more months to bring him home. But, I'll go with the cliche that I swore to never use....IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT.

The picture on the left is his referral picture, taken on Oct 1, 2006. The second was taken on October 9, 2007 - home exactly 2 months.

His transition object ?!?!?

2007-10-10T06:57:00.000-05:00

Cole hasn't really chosen that "special" object that kids often do....until now. You ought to see him trying to drag "that one" up and down the stairs, into the chair, on the bed. We think that he hears "that one" when we say "dragon". Kel won this at Six Flags several years ago and Cole found it in his closet. It is a good foot taller than him!

Learning English when you have teenage siblings....

2007-10-08T15:52:00.000-05:00

Time is flying. I can't believe that as of tomorrow, we will have been home for two months. Cole's transition has been nothing like what we expected. The hard stuff we expected hasn't come to pass - knocking on wood as I type...(lack of understanding, attachment issues, food issues), but it has been hard in different ways. He's busy, into everything and won't take no, niet, no sir, nope... any of those... for an answer.

What has been so funny is his language acquisition. Who would have thought that "No, Dude" would be one of his first sentences? Or that when asking for "musica" his requests would be for rap songs - "Walk it out" or "Soldja Boy" (I probably didn't spell that correctly!) It has been quite arbitrary what he chooses to say, though he is talking ALL DAY LONG. We can have full conversations and he understands what we say. He regularly uses 2-4 word sentences and from what I can tell from my research, that is really good. His pronunciation needs some work, but he will get there.

Here are some of the things we hear alot:

Where's the football?
Oh, man!
Where's the balloon? - he's obsessed with balloons.
Maci, be quiet - that is our dog.
Swimming? Jumping? - his favorite things to do
Buzz and Woody video? - only thing he will watch!
Papa working?
Minutika - usually said while shaking his finger at you - means he will get to whatever you asked him to do in a minute!
Close the door - all doors must be closed at all times!
Mama, come here - still a top ten.
What happened ____? he leaves out the word "to" but then finishes the sentence.
Mama, find it?
and, his favorite - speet all done? Which means, I don't want to take a nap!

I don't think his looks have changed much since he got home, but here are some recent pictures. He has gained 2 lbs and grown about 1/2 inch.

He is in his puppy costume waiting for the bus with Maddie (Maddie's not thrilled with this, as it cramps her style!)

And, in his Romo jersey ready to yell Touchdown at any cheering on the TV!

Cole's Announcement

2007-09-19T14:49:00.000-05:00

Couldn't help but share, I thought it turned out great! We got it from http://www.picturemeperfect.com/ . Quick and easy!

One month home and its going well

2007-09-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

Cole's two favorite things: dogs ("abakas") and water

We celebrated Cole's 3rd birthday - he thinks this cake thing is pretty cool...
Our ever patient lab, Maci, getting loved on by Cole - his version of "be gentle Cole" that he repeats over and over....

We are over jet lag, and getting into a routine. Cole and I are on our second week of just the two of us. The older kids are back in school and Sean is back to work. He was able to take off three weeks after we got home and I think it was huge for them. I could really see a difference in their relationship by the end of his time home. Attachment is moving in the right direction - I get spontaneous kisses and hugs constantly and he is usually not more than a few feet from me. Unless of course, he wants to do something he knows he is not supposed to - then it is "bye-bye mama". He loves to play in the water, whether it is the pool, birdbath, sink, toilet.... Maddie caught him trying to flush his underwear the other day!

Sleep is not quite right yet, but it is getting better. He rocks himself throughout the night, sometimes putting himself back to sleep and sometimes calling out for me. He never seems to totally relax, yet wakes up in a good mood. I still feel like a zombie most days, but I know that too will get better!

Language is our biggest barrier. We can communicate through jumbled English/Russian, but it is at a very rudimentary level. It's hard to explain sequential activities or anything that is not concrete right in front of you. Luckily, he doesn't get frustrated by it and we just live in the here and now as much as we can.

Thanks to everyone that has asked about us. I wish I could find the time to post daily, or even weekly. I don't know how others do it. If he's not on my hip, then I'm either trying to get caught up on daily stuff, or trying to get some sleep! But, I wouldn't trade free time for all of the other problems we could have. I don't think we could have asked for a better transition that what we have so far...

Home one week

2007-08-19T10:04:00.001-05:00

We've been home about a week - sometimes it feels that we just got off the plane and sometimes it feels as though he has been here forever. He is doing better that we ever expected. Cole loves his big brother and sister, he runs around like he owns the place, and has the cats and the dog on high alert at all times. He is picking up english - Come Here Mama!! is the most often heard phrase. He does it with a full arm beckon - you can't help but respond immediately. He and his papa take long walks every morning to the playground. They talk about sprinklers, trees, mailboxes and then they come home to report on all of the wonderful things they did and saw. Next, is a skinny dip in the pool. I guess he regards it as a giant bathtub and sees no need for clothing. We will worry about that another time. He claps and cheers on Maddie and Kel's dives and then tries to imitate them. Such an incredible joy to watch him with his big brother and sister. They are absolutely awesome with him, and such an incredible help to Sean and me.

Eating is a non issue. He eats all vegetables and fruits, loves yogurt and cheese, but hates milk and most meats. He eats until he is full and then he is done and ready to play again. We really feared gorging and hoarding would be big issues, but they have not come to fruition.

Our biggest obstacle is sleep. Whether it is fear, time zone change or simply being a toddler, we can't be sure, but he really fights sleep at naptime. When we finally get him down, he sleeps for at least 3 hours, so it is evident that the naps are needed! Its quite the drama each day, but nights are somewhat easier. (thanks to melatonin!)

We are amazed every day by him. His laugh is contagious and his devilish grin is intoxicating. Each day his new world opens a little more and we are so thrilled to be on this ride with him.

Pictures later...I have to find time to download, but for now I hear Come Here Sabaka (d0g) so I am off to save our lab!

Memories from Court

2007-08-14T07:03:00.000-05:00

We are home and everyone is getting adjusted - Cole, the other kids, the cats, the dog, momma and papa....I wanted to take some time though to write about our trip before it all blends together.

We arrived in Smolensk the day before court and got about a 2 hour visit with Cole. He saw us and immediately did a u-turn to go back inside! Not sure if he remembered us or not! Papa coaxed him with some goldfish and juice, though. It amazed us how much he had changed in 2 months, hair had filled out and he had gained at least 2 lbs. I began to worry if the clothes I brought would fit! He acted differently as well. Hitting, hyperactive - we wonder if he knew what big changes were coming. Here are a couple of pictures from the first trip and the second trip. The one in the hat is trip one in June. The second is from two weeks ago:

After our visit we did some paperwork and sat down to prepare for court. It went exactly as our translator told us it would. It was about 1 hour long. The judge read through our petition to adopt, asked if we had any questions and if we had any applications. We asked to have the ten days waived. Then the proceedings started. He basically read through our dossier - focusing on the homestudy and financial statements. The prosecutor, social worker and orphanage representative all retold Cole's story and asked us a few questions. Most of the questions were either about why we wanted to adopt or financial in nature. Nothing difficult or unexpected. The judge then left to make his ruling. While he was gone we showed pictures to the others. They oohed and aahed and told us we needed to come back for a girl very soon. The judge returned in about 10-15 minutes, pronounced us parents, waived the 10 days and we cried. It was then off to do a lot of waiting at government offices for paperwork to be done. Our facilitator was excellent and was able to get both the adoption certificate and the birth certificate done in one day. Each office told her it would take 2-3, but she worked through it! We didn't get to pick up Cole that day, but we knew that would be the case. So, it was a nice dinner at a restaurant in the Fortress Wall and then off for what would be our last full night of sleep to date.

More later...I'm off to enjoy a cup of coffee while Cole and Papa are at the park!

We are parents to Cole!!

2007-08-03T09:59:00.000-05:00

A healthy, funny, beautiful 35 month old boy. There is so much to tell, and that will come, but wanted everyone to know that we had court on Wednesday and took custody of Cole on Thursday. He is overwhelmed, but doing well. It was a whirlwind 24 hours - 3 cars, two hotels, a train and a dr. appt. Luckily the weekend will be slow and we can spend some time just getting comfortable with each other. He talks a mile a minute and we understand about 1% of it, but he is forgiving of us.

More to come later!

Trip one vs. Trip two

2007-07-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

It's amazing the difference on the plane ride here. On trip one, I think Sean and I said 10 words or less to each other. We weren't fighting, we were just so focused on the enormity of it all, that we, after 2 years, were headed to Russia. This time, we talked, watched movies, even got a bit of sleep. As excited as we are for this time in our lives, I think there is also a peace about it. IT IS HAPPENING. We are on our way to get our son, and it just feels right.

We leave for the region Monday night. Thanks to everyone for your continued prayers. We are hopeful for as smooth a transition for our boy as it can be.

We will update after court on Wednesday!

Packed and ready

2007-07-27T21:30:00.000-05:00

7 bags, all probably at maximum weight are in the hall ready to go. Next time we post we will be half way around the world

Thanks Secret Pal

2007-07-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

Thank you for the thoughtful gift. I love the Willow Tree figurines, each one that I have is special. This one brought a tear to my eyes! It is absolutely perfect. I can't wait to hold my little one just like this....

Harsh realities

2007-07-24T15:28:00.000-05:00

A friend on whom we've leaned for advice and support has lost her referral. Suz, her husband and daughter first visited Vika in Jan 2006 and was, 19 months later, still waiting on accreditation and court. A russian couple came forward last week and decided to adopt the daughter that Suz and husband have been waiting for. This is absolutely devastating for them, and for all of us that know them. If you want to offer support here is their blog: http://russianadoptiondva.blogspot.com/

While all of us on this crazy rollercoaster know that the adoption isn't final until you have the babe in your arms, it is still a shock to hear a story like theirs. Suz, I'm praying for you all.

Packing dilemmas

2007-07-20T09:57:00.000-05:00

It's a good problem to have, because I'm packing to bring him home. But, I am struggling over what to take. Sizes, amounts, long sleeved, short sleeved, pants, shorts, sweats..... We will have T with us for about 7 days. For us, we take about 3 days worth of clothes and wear everything two or three times, but probably not a wise plan for a two year old!

Right now the weather is highs of 70, lows in the 50s and partly cloudy, but I can't tell what it will be three weeks from now. I know that I should just wait until 2-3 days before we leave, look at the weather and do it then, but this is the fun part and I want to do it now!!!!

And the date is....

2007-07-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

August 1st!!!
We leave for Russia on July 28th and expect to return with our little American Citizen on August 9th!
Hallelujah!!

Great article I came across

2007-07-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

Here is an article that helps us understand what could be going through T's mind when we bring him home.

Immense Loss; Walk a Mile in Baby’s Booties Imagine for a moment…
You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow. The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life. The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face. But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved? You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay. Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him? Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone. You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact. Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it. More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you? You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried. The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you. You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy. The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation. Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair. Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before. He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black. You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to asleep. People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness. Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along. Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait. --Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp, analogy courtesy of Dr. Kali Miller

Not much news

2007-07-12T11:45:00.000-05:00

Since I am just sitting in rainy Tulsa OK waiting for my 13 year olds baseball tournament to resume, I thought I'd post a no news update! We did not get a court date in July. The July 25th docket was full by the time our last bit of paperwork got to the courthouse. So, now we are hopeful for a courtdate in early August. We are hearing mixed news on which judges are on vacation and which are leaving for vacation, but it is promising that one of the three judges in our region will be taking cases for the first couple of weeks of August.

In the meantime, I am trying to absorb some Russian through the Rosetta Stone tutorials. I guess it is working, because yesterday the first clear thought I had upon waking was Krolika pregeot? (Rabbit is jumping?). Maybe when you start dreaming in Russian it is starting to work? Though I'm not sure how far Is the Rabbit jumping will take me, its a start!

The fed ex guy is my best friend...

2007-06-28T13:52:00.000-05:00

....along with the State Senators and their staff members that made this happen. I have the 171-H in my hot little hands! The judge has requested an additional document from us, but it is an easy one, so hopefully I will be headed to Austin again for apostilles on Monday. I took our medicals and some other forms down there last week to be apostilled - all 32 documents. IT TOOK SIX MINUTES!!! So worth the 6 hour drive, though. I had them to DHL and on the way to Russia that same day! You gotta love when something is easy in this process!

Thanks everyone for all the comments and prayers! They are working!

We're approved - form is in the mail!

2007-06-26T18:59:00.000-05:00

We got the greatest news this afternoon. Our form has been approved and we should have it by the end of the week! Hopefully this means that we can still get a July court date!

Need your prayers today...

2007-06-20T08:28:00.000-05:00

Our congressman is working today to get our I-171H expedited. Please pray for this process that this can be done quickly!!! We need this form this week in order to get a July courtdate.

Pinecones and paperwork

2007-06-13T06:51:00.000-05:00

On our trip, T loved to play with the pine cones that were strewn on the playground. He had quite the collection by the third day and was content to collect, add to the bucket, pour out, and start again! We've already worn out the videos watching and showing off T to friends and family. Each time we see something different or catch a different word that he said. It is still dreamlike to think that this little one will be our son!

Currently, we are against the clock trying to get about 20 documents correctly filled out, signed, notorized, apostilled, translated and to the judge before the end of the month. That will allow him time to review and set a court date for sometime in July. It is becoming a full time job, but hopefully we will be through with this part by the middle of next week.

Thank so much for all the great comments, emails and the prayers. Please continue to pray for his nutrition and care while we are waiting.

Back in Moscow

2007-06-07T04:44:00.001-05:00

We are back in Moscow after spending three wonderful days with our boy. We arrived by train to Smolensk on Monday morning and checked into the Tsentralnaya hotel. All in all the conditions are good. It is a clean room with a large bed and a refrigerator for snacks. The lady on our floor is very pleasant and the hotel is quiet. Probably only complaint would be that it stays light very late - past 11 pm and the curtains don't block out the light. But, Ambien takes care of that worry as well!

On to the good stuff. We saw our son for about 7 or 8 hours over three days. The first visit of the first day he was shy and downcast. He would play with the toys and respond to the translator, but was very shy. Sean got the first laugh out of him playing on the slide. He also learned to understand his first english - Do you want to do it again? We were lucky to have good weather and be able to play with him on the playground for over an hour.

On the second visit of the first day, he warmed up much more quickly. He liked the goldfish and played with the sippy cup - lid on take a drink, lid off take a drink. He loves the See and Say and we had a lot of fun with that. We had labeled the animals in Russian, so that we could interact with him. This worked out well. His groupa came to the playground during part of our visit. They all were interested in us and wanted attention. T wasn't too fond of that and would walk off and pout! We took him to another area of the playground to read books and play.

He loves machinas, and is very interested in any cars coming and going. He oohs and aahs a lot. He has a great vocabulary and became talkative to us and to the translator. When it was time to go to dinner, he shook his finger at the translator and said LATER! (in russian of course).

On the second day, he warmed up quickly and the caregivers shared some stories about him. He is "the best" and "very intelligent" and "very handsome". They care so much about these kids and do the best with what they have. We played with a shape sorter, machinas and balls. He is good at making up games and very engaging. He picked up very quickly on the shape sorter. Even testing Sean and the translator on it.

We made him a book of picture of us, the kids, grandparents, his room and our home. He could identify most people and loved the pictures. He liked that the book has a handle - and he calls it a book instead of kneega. The translators laughed that even his Russian now has a Texas accent.

The last day we only got one visit because we had to spend the morning doing the official paperwork to petition to adopt him. We also went to the market to get chocolates for the caregivers and fruit and juice for the kids. The most heartbreaking moment of the whole trip was feeding T a banana. He would take such big bites, and just couldn't get enough fast enough. We promised him all the bananas he could ever eat someday. Other than that, we had another wonderful day. He began to pack up the backpack to move when he saw his groupa coming, he even shook his fist at them and said my mama! He allowed Sean to rock him like a baby, playing peek a boo. It was such a neat sight to watch my husband and son bonding. We gave him a small blanket that has a monkey head and tail on it and he LOVED it. He was very caring to it, putting it to bed, swinging it. He definitely has a good range of emotion and empathy for others.

We were so lucky on this trip. The staff let us keep him for a long time each day, and we had full run of the playground. He really opened up to us by the last day and was so funny. We loved watching him interact with the translator, very verbal and antimated when he talks. As we walked him to dinner for the last time, he ran to the caregiver with the monkey and the picture book and said "look what my mama presented to me!".

We hope to be back here in July. It won't be soon enough, but we are so happy to know that he is in a place with people who care and will care for him the best that they can until we can get back to him.

today we are resting - this has been such an emotional journey that we are worn out. I am so glas that we did our touring of Moscow on the front end of the journey. I don't think we would have been up for it otherwise. So, we will relax tonight and head back to the states tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone for the emails, comments, thoughts and prayers!

Shopping and Sightseeing in Moscow

2007-06-03T01:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks for all the comments. We are having a great time here. We've found a great little cafe for breakfast each morning - the Shakaladista. Good coffee, blinis, and english menus!

We did a lot of sightseeing yesterday. Had fun browsing and negotiating at the Ismailovy market - met some really funny vendors there that had quite good english! One babushka even sung Oh Susanna to us to show off her linguistic skills! Bought too much stuff, but will probably seem like so little once we are home. Checked out gorky park. It is a large amusement park. It was neat to see the day to day of Moscow. We've had the company of a lovely translator and driver that have made it very enjoyable.

For dinner we ate at a restaurant called One Red Square. It is in the Museum. It was nice as well. Indulged in some caviar and beef stroganoff. (Rick, if you are reading this, your caviar was better!)

Today we are off to Lenin's tomb, St. Basils, etc.

Another rumor to dispel - you don't have to wear anything different here than at home. Almost everyone we see is in jeans, tshirts and tennis shoes or sandals. Yes, there are plenty of women in high heels, but that is not the norm! I've had plenty of people mistake me for Russian in restaurants and shops, offering me Russian menus and giving Sean the english! And I'm walking around in jeans, tennis shoes and a nice tshirt! Packing is one less worry that I will have on trip two.

We are off to pack, sightsee, and then catch the midnight train to Smolensk. We will check in from Smolenk if possible. If not, we will be back online Wednesday to update on our boy!

kids - love you guys - hope you are enjoying your first days of summer! Talk to you soon!

a bit more about today

2007-06-01T11:54:00.001-05:00

Moscow traffic is the craziest thing I have ever experienced. The lanes truly are just guidelines and the amount of cars is amazing. We probably spent 3-4 hours in the car today and didn't go more than 15 miles roundtrip. We had to sign some more paperwork declaring unequivocably our independent status. That is done - and sewn together in fine Russian fashion. Much cooler than our silly little apostille stamps.

As of now we have been up for 30 hours. The plane ride is bearable, but that is about it. But, hopefully by tomorrow we will be well rested in the luxorious Marriott Grande and ready to hit the streets of Moscow for some serious sight seeing and souvenir purchasing. We spend the weekend here, and then take a midnight train to Smolensk on Sunday. We arrive bright and early Monday morning and head to the Tsentralnaya hotel to freshen up and then to the Regional MOE to present our request to meet with T. All a formality. We hope to spend 3 days with him - Mon, Tues and Wed. Then back on the midnight train to Moscow for one more night.

Couple of rumors to dispel - wear anything you want here. You see jeans, capris, tennis shoes, spiked heels. Doesn't matter, if you have it, they probably wear it here. Secondly, the airport was a piece of cake. Signs were in english as well as cyrillic, so no problems at all.

So far, other than the jet lag, all is fantastic. Just counting down the days to hold our little guy!

thanks for the good wishes and notes, we will check in again tomorrow.

We made it!

2007-06-01T05:00:00.000-05:00

After a loooong flight, we are here! It is a cloudy, pleasant day in Moscow. The airport was easy - we were through customs and baggage claim in about 30 minutes. Our driver was waiting for us, and after an exciting ride through the Moscow traffic, we made it to the Grande. What a beautiful hotel. We've had time to get freshened up and are now off to sign more documents and then hopefully do some sightseeing before we crash. We slept a bit on the plane, but not much, so we will just have to see how long we last!

Kids - we love you and will talk to you soon!

Next post....

2007-05-31T07:05:00.000-05:00

will be from Moscow. Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. Keep 'em comin' as we travel that it will be a safe and successful first trip!

Dasvedanya...

Leavin' on a jet plane.......

2007-05-23T06:55:00.000-05:00

May 31st we leave to meet our son! It's all happened so quickly, but everything is falling into place! We will be travelling independently vs. with an agency, but it is all well planned and we are so excited!

In just under 24 hours we've gotten plane tickets (thanks parents!!!), hotels (thanks, Marriott points!), ordered visas, new $100 bills and only panicked over the short time frame about 5 times!

...I'm so crazy right now I put March instead of May....it is MAY!!! 8 days from now!!!!!

Six months with our referral

2007-04-06T09:21:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that it has been six months since we started falling in love with a picture of a little boy half way across the world! The days have been so000 long, but the months have gone by relatively quickly.

We had a meeting with our agency this week, and unfortunately, they did not greet us with a travel itinerary. Since I've sworn off timelines, I won't even guess when we will travel. But, we did get the o.k. to send a letter to the ministry requesting updated medical information on Baby T. I had it written and fedexed to the secretary of state in less than 24 hours. They've already received it and, hopefully, it will be to our agency before they leave for a trip to Russia on the 16th.

Please pray that the Ministry will honor our request and give us some updated information on T. They certainly are under no obligation to do so. He was such a tiny little thing at referral, we just want to know that he is growing - even if just a little bit!

Strangled by red tape

2007-03-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

I am swearing off timelines. The MoE's first 90 day deadline was March 20th. Lo and behold, on March 19th they found they needed a new document from all submitting adoption agencies. The document doesn't seem to be that difficult - a statement from a governing body that adopted children have same rights as biological children. Hopefully this will be a quick turn around for all the agencies. Regardless, though, no one knows how this will affect the turnaround time for accreditation. Does the 90 days start over? Does this just give the MoE an open ended time frame for review? The speculation is across the board and the conspiracy theorists have definite thoughts on the subject. As for me, I just don't know. We have seen too many couples lose their referrals lately because of the lag in time and Russian families coming forward. At this point, all we can do is hope and pray that things move swiftly and that we have the patience to endure it.

A bit of an update on T

2007-03-20T11:12:00.000-05:00

We received an email from our caseworker today stating that all is well with little T. He has not been sick this winter. That is good news. It is also good news that he is still considered ours. In this crazy process, you just never know. As time passes we fear the phone call that he has become "unavailable". So, while the info we got wasn't much, it was wonderful to hear something!

My papaw

2007-03-09T07:34:00.000-06:00

My grandfather has end stage cancer and we pray that his battle will be over today. He was such an incredible, strong man who has had a long wonderful life. He taught all of us the importance of family and he is the reason that my family is so incredibly close. My only regret for him... really for me, is that he will not meet Baby T. I love you Papaw.

Loved my card, SBP

2007-03-05T14:14:00.000-06:00

I'm having an average day, and go to check the mail. Flipping through it, I see a card from by Secret Blog Pal. I couldn't even wait to get into the house, I just dropped all the bills on the porch and opened my card. I laughed out loud at my passport photos! I hope you are right and we are traveling very soon. Thanks for bringing a smile to my day!!!

Did a bit of shopping....

2007-02-19T11:06:00.000-06:00

Sean and I happened upon a Gymboree sale and just couldn't resist buying a couple of things for T. We know that he won't need much in the way of winter clothes by the time we get him home, but figured a couple of pairs of jeans and sweatshirts would be needed while in Russia. We came across this hoodie and knew it was perfect for our (eventual) trip to the U.S. Embassy!

Off to Chick Fil A

2007-02-14T08:48:00.000-06:00

Sweet SBP - thanks for the sweet valentine's card and Chick Fil A gift certificate....I'm off to tream myself to some chicken biscuits for breakfast!!!

Happy Valentines Day!!!

2007-02-14T08:41:00.000-06:00

Hope everyone is showered with love today!!

Thanks Secret Pal

2007-02-08T08:47:00.000-06:00

I LOVED my cards! It means so much to know someone is praying for us and our little one. Thank you for brightening my days!

LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGIN!

2007-01-30T16:53:00.000-06:00

Just got a phone call from our agency - their accreditation paperwork has been submitted. According to the MoE's website, they will answer all applications in 90 days. So, looks as though we should know about accreditation and get travel dates at the end of April. As always, a big disclaimer, nothing in Russian adoptions goes as planned....

Please pray for a smooth process and that the MoE accepts our agency's paperwork! (and, as long as your praying, throw one in there that it all happens earlier than April)!

Secret Blogger Pals

2007-01-14T11:45:00.000-06:00

I am so excited about being involved in the new round of Secret Blog Pals! I have lurked in the blog world for a while now, finding solace, laughter, a common bond with people I've never met. I'm happy to come out of lurking and be a part of this incredible community! On the right side of the page I've added a blog roll of the SBPs - I'm excited to follow all of your journeys!

An old Chinese proverb...

2007-01-07T09:26:00.000-06:00

My parents were at a Chinese restaurant, and on impulse, my stepmom picked up an extra fortune cookie....for Baby T. At the end of the meal, they opened the cookie and here is what was inside:

Stop Searching. Happiness will come to you.

A lump came to my throat as my stepmom told me the story. What a great thought for our adoption and this crazy process. That little piece of paper will go in the lifebook.....and I think I'll buy a lottery ticket with the numbers on the back, just in case!

Still waiting....

2007-01-05T08:29:00.000-06:00

....for our agency to turn in their accreditation paperwork. They are dotting the i's and crossing the t's as we speak. The Russian Christmas holiday is coming up, and most government offices shut down during that time. After they open back up, the agency's paperwork will be turned in and then we can start counting down for approval! I know that the 90 day guideline promised by the MoE is not a guarantee, but hopefully they will be able to get an answer to agencies within that timeframe. None of my timelines have been accurate thus far, but here is my best guess anyway:

Jan 15 - Agency paperwork turned in
April 1 - Agency receives accreditation
April 10 - we meet our boy!
April 15 - our anniversary!
April 30 - back for court
May 10 - home with the newest member of the family.

Hopefully I'm way off....and we have him home much earlier. We've told our agency we can be ready to go in a matter of hours, so as soon as they have the license, we will be packing!

One more pic

2006-12-27T21:59:00.000-06:00

Couldn't resist, since we don't see the cat and dog in the same place very much. It is so funny how in tune they are to the changes. They know that something is happening....

The room has furniture in it!

2006-12-27T21:21:00.000-06:00

We were able to pick up the furniture today for T's room. I love it! It is perfect for a little boy. We still need to refinish Sean's dresser. We hope to get that done this week, while Sean is still on vacation. The cats and the dog know something is going on. They were underfoot the entire time

we were setting it up, and both ended up on the bed as soon as it was made. Our cats and dog

NEVER get on the same piece of furniture at the same time, yet there they were! I hope that T learns to love animals....because they are definitely interested in what is happening around the house!
We still have plenty to do in his room, but it is nice to have the furniture ready. We still need to decorate walls and put up some finishing touches....there is plenty of time for that!

Merry Christmas - and thank you to our families

2006-12-25T13:49:00.000-06:00

We have had a wonderful Christmas with our families. Though Baby T was not with us physically, we thought of him throughout our celebrations. He has so many cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even great aunts, uncles and grandparents that are awaiting his arrival. They all included him in their gift giving....toys, clothes, books and even a highchair from Grandma!

We are so blessed as a family to have the support of all of those around us. Even though T will be grandchild #6 on one side of the family and grandchild #9 on the other, each of our parents are as excited as if he were the first in the family. I've spoken to so many people that didn't have the support of family through an adoption. I want to say thank you to each family member - not only for the gifts - but for your excitement and support of the process, and for T. We love you all.

Let the reaccreditations begin!

2006-12-19T20:01:00.000-06:00

I hardly ever check "the boards" in the evening, but for some reason, I wandered in to the computer this evening. So glad I did! On FRUA, our ever helpful Jim has posted a translation of a Russian Goverment Website. The translation states, among other things that....

Accreditation documents are being accepted as of December 20th!!!

This is the best Christmas gift we could ask for. I can see it now, the outside of the MoE looks just like Best Buy on the day after Thanksgiving...a line of people ready to get in. And, selfishly, I hope our agency's rep is at the front of the line.

Thank you God for answered prayers!

Days are slow, weeks go fast

2006-12-19T12:26:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that it has been 10 weeks since we first saw T's sweet face. There are days when I don't think evening will ever arrive, yet it just seems like yesterday that we got the call from our caseworker that we had a referral. At the time, we had a glimmer of hope that we would have him home for Christmas. It was a far fetched dream, and we won't be sharing Christmas with him this year. But, we already have wonderful plans for next Christmas with him. Maddie has already designed the 2007 Christmas card - we are all in PJs and santa hats (Sean's not so sure about the pjs thing) - and we've talked of how fun it will be to wake up for Santa. In the meantime, there are presents under the tree for him - from grandparents and cousins - so even though he is not physically here with us, in spirit he is already a part of our family and traditions. Hopefully the next weeks will fly by, accreditation will occur, and we will be off to Russia to meet our little boy.

Baby T update

2006-12-05T14:43:00.000-06:00

The calls come when you least expect them. We had just seen our caseworker on Saturday, and everything was status quo. So, when I got a message that there was an update on him, my heart began to race. Luckily, the message went on to say he was doing great, and to call in for more details. He is healthy, and the local MoE confirmed that they are ready for us to come see him. Not much info, but at this point to know that he is doing ok and that the adoption committee considers him to be ours....I will take those calls every day!

We are anxious to see him, and pray that reaccreditation will move along quickly so that we can travel and meet our little boy!

Furniture is ordered - thanks Dad and Chari!!

2006-11-28T16:16:00.000-06:00

We picked out the furniture for Baby T. I am so excited - even though it will be eight weeks before it gets here! We went with a twin bed, since he will probably be 2 1/2 when we get him home. We will have a crib as well, so we are covered on all fronts!

My dad and stepmom were so thoughtful and offered to get the furniture for us as a gift to their grandchild. How could we say no to that!!! :)

So, even though the bed may be empty for a while (save the black lab making it her own), it gets us one step closer to being ready for him!

Happy Birthday to you!

2006-11-21T11:07:00.000-06:00

My 12 year old is now a teenager. Kel turned 13 on Saturday. We had a family party and watched a DVD slideshow of his first 13 years. For those of you just embarking on parenthood...it goes so incredibly fast. As I looked through the pictures for the slideshow, it amazed me that he has been on this earth for 4,745 days. I have to admit, some of those days have been very long, but for the most part they have flown.

I've been tagged

2006-11-21T10:45:00.000-06:00

Suz

has tagged me, so here is what is in my purse:

Wallet full of old receipts and expired 20% off Limited Too cards!
My notebook with my to do list and Baby T's picture in the front cover
Excedrin
old grocery list
under eye concealer
Chapstick - 3 of them (I'm addicted)
4 pencils
soduko puzzle book (I spend a lot of time at baseball practices and gymnastics)
Purell hand cleaner
dramamine - have no idea why, or how it got there
albuterol inhaler - 13 year old has asthma
missing....keys and cellphone....never where they are supposed to be!

Becky

- you are it! What's in that purse in San Antonio?

We are the perfect parents....

2006-11-13T09:00:00.000-06:00

We had an adoption filled weekend - attending two events. The first was the annual Thanksgiving pot luck hosted by our agency. We always enjoy the events at our agency where the kids are involved. It is so neat - and reassuring - to see families go through the process and bring their children home. We've been attending these events for 18 months, so we've been able to see kids flourish during that time. The second event was at a local church that has a great adoption ministry. We had some great international food and listened to two families talk about their experiences. It was during one of these talks that the future dad to a Russian 8 year old said "I am the best dad in the world for my new daughter. I know that because God picked me to be her dad". That statement brought the welling tears that I had been holding back streaming down my face. What an incredible thought. We are the perfect parents for baby T because we have been hand picked by God. And what an awesome responsiblity to have to live up to as well. I pray that we will fulfill this responsibility well....and soon!

More about 268

2006-11-13T08:54:00.001-06:00

We now know a bit more about the new decree that legislates how agencies are able to do work in Russia. 268 was officially replaced by Government Decision 654. Thanks to helpful poster, Jim, on FRUA( http://www.frua.org ), we all have a clearer understanding of the process It, thankfully, extends the accreditation period for an agency to 5 years, vs. annual renewal. This should be a sigh of relief for those just starting the process. It also outlines the documents that the agencies need to submit, and states that the MoE will approve or deny accreditation within 3 months of receipt of an agencies. The three month statement is a blessing and a disappointment. It is nice to know that the govt has a finite time to review the documents, but 3 months is a looong time. Here is my best guess at a timeline:

Buckner submits documents to MoE by Dec. 1st (that allows time for gathering, notarizing, apostilling and translating).
MoE has 3 months to review - but let's go crazy and say it only takes 2. Buckner has their accreditation by Feb. 1st.
We receive our invitation to travel in February. We're spending Sean's 44th birthday (2/21) in chilly Moscow. (Average high temp in February is a 25°)
Back for court in March and have our then 2 ½ year old by April.

It seems so long away, but at least there will be an end in sight. And, there is always the possibility that things could move more quickly….right?

Bibbidi Bobbidi Blue

2006-11-13T08:22:00.000-06:00

Baby T's room is starting to look like a little boy's room. We painted it, and a bit of our black lab, Maci, this weekend. Actually, Maci painted herself by slouching against the wall...

We love the look of the room now, even though we don't yet have furniture. Sean and I laid on the floor Friday night, paint fumes still fresh, and talking about our little boy and whether he would like the color. Though we know he will probably never give it a second thought, we think it is perfect for him. Next week.....on to ordering furniture! This is the fun stuff!

268 Signed...another hurdle crossed!

2006-11-09T09:44:00.000-06:00

It has been officially posted on the Russian governmental website that Rule 268 is signed.
So, that means we can travel, right??? Not exactly. Although it was a big and necessary hurdle, it doesn't really give us any more information than we had before the signing.

Rule 268 gives the green light for the Russian Ministry to start reaccrediting agencies. Our agency is hopeful to have the paperwork criteria "quickly" so that they can submit their paperwork. Some agencies are claiming to have already submitted paperwork. Now it is just a wait and see on when the first agency gets its license, and how quickly the MoE moves through the applications. My estimate is that there are about 30 agencies that will be vying for a spot in line. Selfishly, we hope that Buckner is at the top of the list...but as I step outside of myself I pray that the process goes quickly and smoothly for all the agencies, so that those of us on the Rollercoaster Ride can get our babies home.

Hoping the rumors are true!!

2006-11-08T07:40:00.000-06:00

Every morning, after the school bus is gone, I take my cup of coffee and "check the boards". There are several bulletin boards for adoption where pre adoptive (PAPS) and adoptive parents (APs) can post information and get questions answered. Well today - the boards are busy - two agencies are stating that RULE 268 HAS BEEN SIGNED!!!!!!!

We have not received official word from our agency - but at times this is slow coming because they like to dot all the i's and cross all the t's. Nor is it posted on the Russian Governmental Website that lists new laws. But, that website is a bit behind.

The two agencies that are claiming this - COH and CHI - are both reputable and seem to be fairly accurate in their announcements. (they didn't announce this to the public, but their clients quoted their emails)

If this is true, and we pray that it is, then the next step is reaccreditation. Rule 268 in place, the Ministry of Education now has the green light to start issuing licenses to the agencies. We have no idea how long this will take, nor in what order, but that is ok. Hopefully we are one step closer to bringing baby T home.

I owe my kids an apology

2006-11-06T16:53:00.000-06:00

I posted about their lack of enthusiasm yesterday. If I had only waited a couple of hours to post, it would have turned out much differently. The idea/reality of a baby brother was the topic Sunday morning. At breakfast, K, the 12 year old said the blessing. He said "Thank You for this food and for Baby T. God please keep him safe, let everything be ok and let him be the one that becomes our brother. Please let us travel quickly to bring him home. Amen"

Can you beat that? Then, the two kids played together (a small feat in itself) pretending that baby T was with us and what they would be doing with him.

Sean was right (yes, I repeat, my husband was right)....they just needed time for the reality to hit. What great kids I have!

The secret is out

2006-11-05T08:13:00.000-06:00

We waited as long as we could to tell the kids about our referral ... maybe even a bit too long! I think I had built up in my mind ths incredible, bonding moment when we made the announcement. Not quite....though, as Sean pointed out, what am I to expect from 12 and 11 year olds!!! Our daughter (M) was mainly interested in going to hang out at her aunt's house while we travel and the ever-cool 12 year old (K) did manage to say "awesome". Then they looked at the pictures, said he was cute and both went back to their business (fighting over who's turn it was on the computer). It was definitely anti-climatic! It sunk in though, and soon K had the baby's picture loaded on his my space and M was asking for a picture for her locker. We had a nice celebratory dinner at the local hibachi place with both kids and C, the 17 year old. We even managed a picture with all 5 of us - not a feat we accomplish too much. We topped off the night with a big trip to Target. Baby T now has a jumping tigger and a light bright to add to his room. The light bright has already been christened by the 11 year old - I can see where having our toddler will bring out the kid in all of us again.

Happy Halloween

2006-10-31T09:29:00.000-06:00

Now that we know who he is, we can't help but think about what he would be doing if he were here. How would he dress for halloween? For some reason I picture him a Buzz Lightyear fan - all dressed up in the white outfit with a Woody doll in his hand. Maybe he is more of a tigger type? It's fun to think about - what he will like, do, who he will be. It also begs more serious questions that we often ponder as well....what will he be like? Is it nature or nurture? How much of who he is has already been wired and how much will he be influenced by us?

I found this poem in my collection of adoption stuff. It says author unknown, but whoever wrote it defintely had a heart for adoption. It puts in words what we, and many other adoptive parents feel:

Once there were two women who never knew each other,
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make your one.
One became your guiding star; the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it,
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality; the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent; the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions; the other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.
One gave you up...that's all that she could do,
The other prayed for a child and God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me, through your fears, the age old question unanswered throughout the years...
Heredity or environment, which are you the product of...
Neither my darling, neither...Just two different kinds of love.
Author unknown

And we wait....

2006-10-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

We've known about our little one for two weeks now. We've memorized his features... his big blue eyes, his little mouth trying to smile, but unsure of what is going on...the corduroy overalls and too big blue shirt... the train he has a desperate grasp on.... I think we will expect him to look exactly that way when we get to Russia, toy train in hand, still in his little overalls.

I'm not sure how long we will have to look at pictures and dream of him, until we can pick him up and hold him in real life. We are still waiting on travel dates. Our agency is trying to determine if we should travel independently or wait for them to get reaccredited. Their preference is for us to wait, so that our adoption and their accreditation are not put at risk. Evidently recent rumblings in Russia are anti-independent and it has shifted our agency's plan for us. We understand that, and yet we want to go and meet our little one.

At this point, it is totally out of our hands, so we will continue to pray for a quick resolution in Russia, and that our future little boy receives the emotional and nutritional support he needs to continue to develop.

We can make our plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands. Proverbs 16:1

Miracle in the form of a phone call

2006-10-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

I was expecting a call last Wednesday from our agency about paperwork. I didn't just get "a call" I got THE call. Our caseworker said the last words that I expected to hear - We have a referral for you! My jaw just dropped. With the recent news that we would be able to travel as independents, we thought we might receive a referral by Christmas. But to our suprise, we have a referral for a tiny little tyke. He is 24 months old, weighing in at only 23 pounds! He's a bit older than what we expected, but that is ok. We sent the medical information and pictures to two of the best International Adoption doctors in the U.S. - Drs. Julie Bledsoe and Dana Johnson. Both thought that everything looked good. We have told our agency that we would like to travel as soon as possible to meet him.

We now just pray that we will be able to travel quickly on trip one so that we can officially petition to adopt him!

We're becoming independents!

2006-10-10T11:09:00.000-05:00

At least in the adoption arena. The MoE of Smolensk is allowing us to continue our adoption as independent adopters. What does this mean - not exactly sure of the detals - but I do know that it means that we can receive a referral without waiting for our agency to be reaccredited! It also means more paperwork, but that is ok. I don't mind doing paperwork if it gets us closer to traveling to meet our child! So far, the paperwork looks easy and we should be able to get it completed, notarized, apostilled, translated and to the MoE fairly quickly!

NGO - check!!!!

2006-09-22T15:42:00.000-05:00

We received news today that Buckner's NGO paperwork has been approved and they will have their NGO certificate next week. They are approximately the 15th out of about 30 agencies to receive the approval. Next step is reaccreditation. For those of you that don't think about this on a daily basis, a bit of a reminder. All agencies have to be accredited to do adoptions in Russia. Buckner, and 20 of their agency friends, had their accreditations expire on 5/17/06. There is no timeline on when the Russian Ministry will start re-accrediting agencies. The email from Buckner stated that they have heard "it could be months" before this process is moving again.

So, our prayer request now is that these accreditations will begin quickly, so that our family and others that are in the process can bring their children home!

NGO is a no go - for now

2006-08-08T11:23:00.000-05:00

August 7th was the deadline for the officials in Russia to let our agency know if the NGO paperwork was approved or if they needed more info. Well, more info it is. They've asked for a couple of "minor" corrections and one new document. The agency feels that these are easy corrections, and should be able to have them done fairly quickly. Let's hope so!!

The one year mark

2006-07-24T13:27:00.000-05:00

It has been one year since we started on this adoption journey. I mailed the application on 7/25/05 to begin the process. 364 days later and we are still in Wait Mode. Although, I have to admit, we knew going into this that a 9 month pregnancy was the blink of an eye compared to international adoption!

To understand what is going on, we have to have a bit of a lesson in Russian governmental practices.

On May 17th our agency, along with about 2/3s of the adoption agencies that do business in Russia, had their licenses expire. This is known as "Accreditation." We knew that timely re-accreditation would be unlikely, as this whole licensing process for the adoption agencies has been a moving target for the past three years.

A week before the expiration date, the Ministry of Justice in Russia handed down a new ruling regarding the licensing that said that the agencies had to all apply for an NGO (non governmental organization) license before they could even reapply for the adoption licenses! Unfortunately, they weren't very clear on what needed to be done, and how, so the agencies are all doing their best to try to submit the right paper work.

Right now the time frame looks like this:
- 7/7/06: Buckner submitted the new paperwork for the NGO (fingers crossed that it is all there, since the guidelines are a bit vague).
-8/7/06: Ministry of Justice has 30 days to review the paperwork and let Buckner know what changes, if any, are needed. Hopefully on or about this date, we will receive notification that Buckner is now an official NGO.
- Mid August: Buckner will submit their paperwork to be Re-Accredited to do adoptions in Russia.
- Mid September: Receive the License and start receiving referrals again.
- October - earliest we would expect to travel to meet our "referral". Spend about one week in Russia visiting with the baby.
- December - return to Russia (can you say cold in Russian?) to attend court - and bring home our new little American. Hopefully just in time for Santa!

So, until then, we simply ask for your prayers - that the paperwork gets approved, that we can have patience, and that our baby-to-be is being loved and cared for the best that he or she can be.

Pink or blue?

2006-04-15T08:30:00.000-05:00

One of the intriguing things about adoption is you may actually be able to choose the gender of your child. There are pros and cons to this option - and plenty of articles on whether or not a couple should be able to do this. In fact, some agencies believe that this is wrong, and won't allow the parents this choice if you use their services. It's an interesting debate that has so much emotion tied into it. Interestingly, when adoptive parents do specify a gender - they are more likely to specify girl than boy.

For us, it was definitely a topic of discussion. We've had the delights and the trials of both sons and daughters - the joy of parenting a preteen girl takes up a lot of our time and emotion right now! The kids are more than willing to share their advice - the boys would like a brother and our daughter wants a little sister.....o.k., to be perfectly honest, the boys want anything but another sister, and M says, not another brother! A definite quandary, but, in the end, they have said they are excited about either one.

So, how do you decide? One thing we definitely took into account was time frame. The more specific you are (you can even choose hair color, eye color, complexion...), the longer it could take. Was it that important to us to have a certain gender that we wanted to add even more time to the process? Another thought was that if you don't specify in adopting from Russia, you will more than likely get a boy referred to you. This isn't because there are more boys put up for adoption, but because there are more girls requested. However, as we've talked with other adoptive couples that did not specify, we've seen girl referrals almost as much as referrals of boys.

In the end, we decided not to decide. We felt, and told our kids, that God had the right child for us, and He would decide if a boy or girl was the right choice for our family. Can't wait to find out what He picked!!!

Attachment Parenting

2006-04-10T08:02:00.000-05:00

When the little one gets home, the first order of business will be to teach him/her what a parent is. Up until now, they have likely lived in an orphanage of 150 children with 10-12 rotating caregivers. He has not been rocked to sleep, picked up when crying or soothed by a loving touch. He/she has had to learn, as an infant, to sooth themselves, and that adults can't be trusted. To teach our child that the world doesn't have to be that way, we will be practicing "attachment parenting". Basically, Sean and I will be cocooning our baby for many months - regressing him/her back as far as we can by putting them back on the bottle, (yes even to an 18 month old!) rocking to sleep, having them sleep in our room, and practicing eye contact as much as we can. Here is some advice from an adoptive parent, based on the teaching/writing of Dan Hughes. It is pretty long, but worth the read.

"I will use the name "baby and toddler" as one as well as "Mom" meaning the primary caregivers-mom and dad.

1)YOU, AND ONLY YOU, WEAR YOUR BABY!!Carry them with you wherever you go, and whatever you do.Attach them to your bodies. A great baby carrier is one that the baby can have skin to skin contact with you. (Tank tops are great to encourage skin to skin contact). Carry the baby on your hip; tie to your body under a sweatshirt, front carrier, or in your arms. The more contact the better. These babies were not held enough. Hold Them!!!! A LOT!!! ALL THE TIME!!!! For the rare times the baby is not in your arms, have them in the same room as you are in.
2) YOU ARE THE ONLY CAREGIVER!! You always bottle, feed, bath, dress, change and most of the play. If friends and family want to help let them walk
the dog or clean your house, wash bottles or do laundry, bring food or make you
tea. No baby-sitters and no sending the baby away for respite. Until your baby
is firmly emotionally attached to you. NO ONE the baby doesn't see almost daily
should hold or even touch them, and even those that the baby sees daily should
hold them at a very minimum.
3)KEEP THE BOTTLE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE –EVEN LONGER! You, not the baby, hold the bottle. Hold them the way a nursing mother does – chest to chest, close to you with as much skin to skin contact as possible. Always insist your baby look in your eyes and when they do, instantly put the bottle in their mouth and tell them good job!! Keep looking at their eyes so when they are ready for eye contact, you don't miss it. Rub them gently, rock, sing.
4) BATHE WITH YOUR BABY, this encourages skin to skin contact in a nice relaxing warm fun way.
5) A LOT OF FACE TO FACE baby games and funny faces and TONS of smiles and kisses!! Paint bright circles around your eyes. Close one eye, then the other, rapidly blink, then change speeds, all the time with funny noises. Cover both
eyes then one, and so on. Have the baby sit on your lap, and if this is too hard
for them at first, lay them on a bed to do it. Then slowly trick them into
letting you touch and hold them!! Keep it fun for them.
6) WHEN THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF ANGER OR AVOIDANCE, the baby NEEDS you to hold them, even if they don't WANT to be held. They feel so far away from you, and have to be brought closer to heal. Cradle the baby in your arms. Have their arm closest to you held close. Talk soothingly to them, and tell them to look in
mommy's eyes. They most likely won't at first, and will become very angry,
(actually they were already very angry, the anger is just allowed to come out in
a safe loved way) Other times in their life they were not able to get their
needs met; anger and avoidance came out of that. They were often either ignored,
hit, or yelled at. That is why it is SO IMPORTANT this ALL be done in an
extremely loving way. Never squeeze the baby too close, speak harshly, lose your
cool or forget why you are doing this. If you get to feeling their anger,
immediately put them down and call support. You have to remain supportive, yet
expect their best. Often they will try to hit you, scratch, bite, scream and get
to you any way they can. Their intense rage is there. Yes, even little babies.
Eye contact, feeling safe, and being accepted no matter what in a loving way is
the goal here. For whatever reason, they have shut off people. Now they need YOU
to heal. My daughter needed it most after someone she didn't know EXTREMELY well would touch her or hold her. Rub them, soothe them in singing, and soft speech,
rock them and tell them you love them. Keep it up until they will calm down and
look in your eyes and FEEL connected to you. At times they will fall asleep
screaming. If so, and if possible, continue to hold them until they wake up,
then continue above. If you need to lay them down, have a monitor on so you can
pick them up as soon as they wake up. For the very avoidant baby one unsolicited
eye contact a week could be considered good! Keep it up, you have several good
eye contacts a minute to look forward to! Remember, you did not create this
anger in your baby.
7) NOW IS THE BEST AND EASIEST TIME TO WORK WITH
YOUR BABY.
8) DO A LOT OF BABY MASSAGES. All the time talk, sing and let that baby know how special they are!!
9) ROCK THAT BABY!! They often can't stand you sitting in a rocking chair, but can often tolerate and enjoy you walking and dancing with them in your arms. (remember face to face contact during this) Gentle motion, bouncing and rocking are a must!!
10) SLEEP WITH THE BABY. If you can, the best is to have the baby in your bed close to you. Second choice is to have the baby in their crib right next to your side of the bed with the side rail down. Have the crib touching snug to your bed, so if they climb out, they climb safely onto you!! They need t hear your breathing and know you are close. Have the baby always fall asleep in your arms. Nap or night. They need to get used to feeling loved!!
11) SING, SING, SING!!! It lightens the load, and helps the baby feel the happy friendliness they missed out on. Joyful voices are so important!
12) ENCOURAGE EYE CONTACT WHEN FEEDING, BOTTLING, TALKING, CHANGING, AND ALL THE TIME!! Bribery of candy, special toys or sounds, tickles, or whatever. As one specialist told me in giving them candy, "They can live with rotten teeth, yet can not truly live without attachments!!"
13) EXPECT A DIRTY HOUSE, (nothing new here!) soup out of the can
and sandwiches for supper and piles of laundry. Know that you are not super mom,
and that baby can't wait until all is in order to get on with their lives. Here
is where all those well meaning friends that want to hold that precious baby
come in!! Let them work!!!
14) EXPECT TO BE CRITICIZED AND ACCUSED as over possessive, spoiling the baby, and making more than you should out of the baby's problems. You will be told all babies do that. This is by well meaning friends, neighbors, relatives, doctors, and social workers. Stick to what YOU KNOW the baby needs, and fight to get that for them. Remember YOU know that baby more than anyone else. Most people do not understand the needs of a post-institutionalized child.
15) HAVE A GREAT SUPPORT SYSTEM. Have a trusted friend (hopefully someone who has had experience in attachment disorder) that you can call without being told you are making too much of it. Read books on attachment disorder. Know what dangers await that baby if they are not helped. Working with an infant or toddler has such a HUGE chance for success!! Not one act of kindness is wasted.
16) GET AN OFFICIAL EVALUATION BY AN ATTACHMENT EXPERT. Dr. Dan Hughes does these (207-872-2121) or can help you to find an attachment
specialist in your area. 17) KNOW YOU NEITHER CREATED YOUR BABY'S
PROBLEMS, NOR CAN YOU CURE THEM. Your job is to give the baby the tools they need. The rest is up to them.
18) PRAY, A LOT. It is a very big job you have undertaken and at times a very lonely one. Know YOU are just as precious to Jesus as that little baby you are working with.
19) FOR THE BABY THAT HAS NOT YET ENTERED YOUR HOME – when you get that baby, get a piece of clothing or blanket unwashed and used recently by the primary caregiver. The smell will help the move. And don't you wash it!! Keep it close to the baby to help the baby adjust. No matter the baby's age or living conditions, the move to you is not easy. Never push this object, but make it available. 20) HELP YOUR BABY GET A TRANSFERENCE OBJECT. This is a blanket or soft toy they can sleep with, use it in the car seat, and for the RARE time you cannot be with them. Helps in security.
21)IF YOU DO ALL OF THESE WITH LOVE AND KINDNESS
AND THINGS GET WORSE OR REMAIN THE SAME, GET HELP. I have never heard of them getting worse when done this way, yet anything is possible.
I wish you all the best in your adventure. No one is superhuman, and there will be times when you cannot do all you want with your baby. Take heart, NO ONE can do it all!! If your baby is getting emotionally closer to YOU, you are doing great
and giving the baby a priceless gift. I have worked with older children with
attachment problems also, and believe me, NOW is the easiest and best time to
start!! God bless you on your adventure!

This treatment and paper have been approved by Dr. Dan Hughes, attachment specialist. "

Adoption isn't for sissies

2006-04-08T10:56:00.000-05:00

Once we decided on adoption, it's all downhill...Right? Nope, not even close. Domestic, or International? Open or Closed? If international, China, Guatemala, Ukraine, Russia...? What agency? So, the research started. We figured being a bit older, second marriage, three kids, we probably weren't going to be on the top of the list of an unwed mother in the U.S. There are more than three potential adoptive families for each potential adoptee in the states. With that and a few other worries about domestic adoption, we decided that we would go international. There were pros and cons to each country. China was a single trip and would be an incredible culture. Guatemala has the advantage of being on the same side of the globe and ability to adopt an infant under 9 months of age. The Ukraine offers a one trip option as well. But in the end, we felt that Russia was the country that held our son or daughter.

The international adoption process is two part - approval within the U.S. to bring an orphan into the country, and approval by the foreign country to adopt one of their children. We started the U.S. approval process in July of 2005. We each had to fill out an 18 page questionnaire for our agency....a thought provoking and incredibly personal process. The questionnaires were just part of about 25 documents we had to complete. We had four wonderful friends that were willing to recommend us for adoption. We agreed to criminal background checks, and then we waited. And this was just to get the agency to work with us! Then came the homestudy. This involved interviews by a social worker with each of our kids, and us, together and separately. We had to childproof cabinets, add a fence around the pool and develop a fire escape plan. All before we even knew if they would approve us to adopt! In October of 2005, the social worker created a nine page document recommending that we "be approved for the adoption of one child between the ages of zero and eighteen months from the country of Russia."

Approved homestudy in hand, we then applied to the Department of Homeland Security to bring an orphan into the United States. We had to wait through the holidays to receive our approval in January of 2006.

During the wait, we worked on our dossier (doss-e-a) to be sent to Russia. This is a packet of forms, and copies of various documents that have to be signed, notarized and then apostilled. (ap-O-stilled) The Apostille is done by the Secretary of State in which the document is created. For us, we had to secure apostilles from Texas, Nevada and Michigan. We had to have doctors declare that all 5 of us were healthy, free from all kinds of diseases, and mentally stable (no comments, please) to add another child to the family. There were blood draws, and other lovely tests that we had to subject not only ourselves, but the kids to as well. After several redos of documents and three months, we finally got all the documents filled out and signed (in blue ink only), notarized, apostilled and ready to be translated into Russian.

Everything was in Russia and waiting for the Russian committee to review by January of this year. The Russian process is lengthy and has become very volatile over the past couple of years. There is a contingent in the Russian government that wants to outlaw international adoptions, and they have been successful in slowing down and creating a lot of hurdles in the process.

On March 6th, we were informed that the committee had reviewed our dossier, and we only needed to change two documents. It was a pesky little change of wording on who issued our passports. The form stated the United States - and we had to change it to the Houston Passport Agency. So, forms were changed, signed in blue ink, notarized in blue ink (thankfully we have a notary in the family!) and sent to Austin for Apostilles. These forms are now on there way back to Russia.

So, back to the wait. Our agency won't speculate as to how long it will take. We are the next in line for a "referral" from the committee. It could be next week, it could be 6 months from now. Until then, we wait.....sometimes patiently.

Here is the bible verse I have posted on our computer, a reminder that this adoption will happen:
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it surely will take place. It will not be delayed." Habakkuk 2:3

A bit of history - her perspective

2006-04-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

We have been married 6 years, though with 2 out of state moves, 6 houses and two company mergers, it seems much longer! Between us, we have three children. Sean's son, we will call him "C", is almost 17, an avid hockey player, and, since he became a licensed driver, very hard to keep up with! Robin brought along two into the new family. "K" is a 12 year old man-in-the-making that loves anything sports, especially baseball and football. "M" is the 11 year old self proclaimed queen of the household. She loves gymnastics, track, and unfortunately, boys!

So, why, you ask, with three wonderful, busy kids would you want to start over with another baby? We've pondered that ourselves a thousand times. But to understand how we got to here, you have to know where we started. It began in 1999, when we were dating. Driving down the freeway, there was a billboard for "Vasectomy Reversals". Sean, instead of cringing like most men, mused that he would be more than willing to submit to this elective surgery. Me, being a single mom of a 4 1/2 and 6 year old, almost bailed at 75 miles per hour. I fought the urge, kept my seatbelt fastened and we married the next spring - April 2000. Our new life was busy, and we really didn't talk about "it" again. After almost two years of marriage, the idea of a baby started growing on me - but only if we could have one naturally - and it had to be a product of "us" - no donor eggs, donor sperm, and not adoption. (Sean had also lobbed out the idea of adoption after reading an article on it) If we couldn't conceive "naturally", then we'd just drop the idea and continue on with our life. With that said, Sean bravely submitted to "minor" surgery in January 2002. With frozen peas in place, we left the doctor's office in Hollywood and went back to our home in San Diego....we were ready to conceive. Fast forward through a year of temperature charting, precisely planned "rendevous", and still no pregnancy, we had a change of heart. (ok, I had a change of heart, Sean was way ahead of me) Let's amend the rules...we'll go see a specialist, but we will NEVER subject ourselves to any treatment that will result in multiples. (you can probably guess where this is headed). A few months later....hmmm, maybe twins wouldn't be so bad. We'll try in-vitro, but if that doesn't work, we're done. During eight months of hormone shots...and hormonal swings...Sean learned way more than he ever wanted to know about how a woman's body works. We also learned that we could get pregnant, but couldn't carry a baby to term. As difficult as that was, to say goodbye to babies we would never get to hold, it strengthened our marriage, and our resolve. We learned how much we wanted to add a child to our family and that the biology didn't matter. What mattered is that we added an "ours" to our already wonderful family.

So, here we are, waiting to go to Russia, hoping to bring home a toddler in 2006. Thankful to have the support of our families, as well as three kids who are willing to embrace a baby brother or sister, the paperwork is done and now we wait for "the call"